I Will Never Marry You I had gotten engaged on November 4th 2009 on my birthday, and I was the happiest person alive that day. Come to find out the person I was engaged to changed instantly once I accepted his engagement. A couple of weeks later, I found pictures of my fiance having sex with women from a Dominican Republic trip he went on with his friends, and he said he did it because the women there cater to American men. The cheating and lying never stopped from there, and this is the main reason why I will never marry.
Having trust, respect, love and communication takes a lot for a marriage to survive. I was with this man for seven years, and we had a daughter together; I would never imagined I would say to him” I will never marry you”. Could an open marriage be the solution? I agree/disagree with Catherine Newman in the article “I Do. Not: Why I Won’t Marry” that we are not bread to be a monogamous culture today; having sex with the same person over and over again is close to impossible. In the Article “I Do. Not: Why I Won’t Marry” the author Catherine Newman argues why she won’t get married.
She believes that because she had a child with her boyfriend, it is the same thing as putting a ring on her finger, and we all know that doesn’t keep a man. Newman believes that marriage should be for gay and straight people because she once was in a bisexual relationship and in today’s society that is now possible. She feels that not being married means they can keep choosing each other, and would not rather work on keeping from being divorced. I have been in two long relationships, my first relationship lasted for eight years and my second relationship lasted for seven years.
Had I married these men, I would have gone through two divorces. I believed that they were my life long partners until they cheated on me several times. Newman asks “Can it possibly be that climbing onto the same exact person for fifty years maximizes the erotic potential of our brief fling here on earth”? (p. 62) That question is deep because she makes it sound impossible to do and I wonder myself can it be done. I know a couple that has been married for forty five years, and in the beginning of their marriage her husband was unfaithful, but as a couple they have overcome it and moved on; they are still together to this day.
I gave my boyfriends second, third and fourth chances, and I just could not do it emotionally anymore. A friend of Newman’s once said “Maybe sex just doesn’t even matter as much”. (63) Sex to men may just be an action not an emotion for them. Even if that is the case, I’m glad I did not marry any of them because I didn’t have to go through the hassle of divorce. Being monogamous in a relationship today is hard, but if you put your mind to it, I’m sure it can be done. There is so much temptation out there that will really test a marriage or a relationship for that matter.
Especially for men, women today flaunt their curvaceous bodies wearing barely anything and this is where infidelity starts. I find myself at times looking at a woman with a big butt that jiggles as she walks, and I catch myself looking like “Damn”. Newman mentions that women are sexier, funnier, kinder and more interesting then men. (p. 61) This is why I believe that it is almost impossible for a man to be monogamous. For example, I have a male friend that was married like five months ago, and I saw him at my Uncle Ron’s house playing cards.
There was a woman there with this really tight dress on with a big bubble butt, and he whispers something to her and she giggles. Now, my friend has his ring and I know this woman had to notice, but she didn’t care. By the end of the night I noticed that both of them left the card game. This goes to show that temptation can really test a marriage, and monogamy today is a real challenge. I agree to disagree with Newman saying having sex over and over again with the same person for fifty years is close to impossible. I never cheated on any of my boyfriends because I didn’t have the desire to cheat.
I wouldn’t put myself in situations for me to be tempted to cheat. Yes, there are fine men out there that would have loved to stick there piece in me, but I always remembered that’s all they want to do. Even though I could see myself never cheating, the meaning of marriage to me is just pointless anymore. Our culture doesn’t value relationships as much and if you are married in today’s society you are a target. I say lets commit to stay together, but I will not marry you. Even though Newman and I have the same views about getting married doesn’t mean that being monogamous in a marriage can’t be done.
If people communicate there wants and desires with there significant others openly there shouldn’t be a problem with infidelity in there marriage or relationship. Will and Jada Smith (Actors) have an open marriage and I kind of agree with that. An open marriage means being able to have sexual relations outside the marriage as long as both of you are aware of it. I know this sounds kind of bizarre; it fits in with our outrageous culture today. Maybe there wouldn’t be such a high divorce rate, or maybe we to save yourself the headache “Just don’t Marry”.